This place is not for anyone to read, this is just where I am going to share my most private feelings coming from a break up after more than eight years or exactly 3064 days staring April 21st, 2000 when a 18 years old guy after 2 years of crush on a girl he finally started his relationship till September 13th,2008 when they decided to end this relationship which is a marriage now.
first five days I wasn't even in a situation to write I was drunk all evenings and hung over all days and still nothing has changed so I decided to write these feelings down so maybe I feel better one day
We haven't lived together for almost 2 years (August 9th,2006) when I decided to go to US and wait almost a year till she joins me but that's the sad part you can never plan these things!!! I went through hell this whole time specially first couple of months was a disaster I was homesick I had no job and the most I had missed the girl that hadn't been away from more than 2 weeks in last 6 years after eight months everything started getting better. I got a job she got her visa approval and I felt everything was getting better but her visa took almost another year and nothing happened after all these time we accomplished a lot in our carriers and now non of us can give up our lives. and she doesn't want to wait anymore (which I don't blame her) but now either I have to go back and start again from 0 or forget about my love
we have had lots of fights and problems during this time but I always hoped that when we start living together everything will get better but I guess I am never going to see that day anymore
God knows how much I love her and how much I am proud of her accomplishments but I paid a big price for where I am right now and I can't give my life up because I know if I do I'll blame her forever for that
So we decided (she decided but I didn't stop her either) to separate our ways and now I am all crushed, this is the first day that I could get back to work but I can't stop thinking about her I have 700 pictures of her on my cellphone I have her photos all around my condo and all these memories that I can't run away from and saddest part I STILL LOVE HER may be I doubt the fact that we can have a healthy happy life together after all we've been through but it doesn't change the fact that I truly am in love with her
It is a very tough time I hope it gets better
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